Please Don't Sit on the Kids

For all those who are always wanting more tricks of the trade and ideas for how to manage kids and apply consequences when necessary - this book is for you. It's called Please Don't Sit on the Kids.

It's a great tool (and super easy read) for how to get kids to listen, how to remind them of behavior to avoid, how to TALK to them when they are misbehaving, and how to spot possible misbehavior coming on BEFORE it happens so you can lead them into something better.

Read a chapter online, or buy the whole book and highlight the parts you love. Share it with your friends, make copies for people on your volunteer team, or just implement ONE THING in it the next time you are with kids. I promise you it will be helpful in understanding kids a bit more.

Love to you all.

I'm at home in the eyes and hearts of these people

We all long for places to be known, to have people say our name with delight when we walk in the door, and to feel…home. Now there are a few places in my life where i feel like I'm home, but today I will share about one of them. My church home, specifically, our children & family ministry. Often people ask me why I love what I do, don't I get tired of it? Here's my response to some of that:

Each week I walk down the hall toward the kid’s area on Sundays I hear the voices and excitement rise. You can feel it way before you ever get to the door. You can feel it in the parking lot if you follow a family in. It feels much different than the feeling you get walking in to the auditorium for the service. Though that has it's own beautiful homeyness. But here there is always a child to greet you when you come in, yelling your name and smiling! Sometimes I'll be in the middle of a conversation with someone and a little child will have themselves wrapped around my leg like they haven't seen me in forever. And occasionally (like this Sunday) I'll look down and the child hugging me isn't one that I know! Who does that? No one. Not one in my life does that except the sweet children that I get to be with. Nothing can make you cry faster than a child that loves you passionately for absolutely no good reason. No wonder Jesus was such an advocate of children. Well, more than an advocate - He tells us to be like them. My I have such a long way to go....I am learning. Always learning.

Here, my Sunday home, is where I walk in and always see a good friend to connect with, as so many of my closest friends work with our children. I absolutely love that I'm not the only person who finds extreme beauty and life in the halls and classrooms where our families walk. Working alongside friends is the best way to work I think.

Here is also where I am greeted at the door to our children's areas by guys I know and trust who are on security duty. I often catch myself grinning as i pass by. They must think I'm crazy, or maybe mocking them. But all i can think of is that these are the men who will take a hit if some crazy comes after our kids. I never want to think about craziness, violence or trauma. But it's happened. In schools, in churches, and in the communities and homes of friends that I love in Africa. So, when I pass by these men I am deeply thankful for them. They are husbands and fathers to the women and children that I know well. But they are also strong and valiant to me as they represent the heart in us all to truly lay down our lives for one another.

This, my church home, is where I see parents faces as they leave their child for the first time, the 100th time, or as they come back to pick them up and listen to the teacher tell about what their child learned about the Gospel...today. I love their faces. Some of them challenged, others insecure, some confident and almost giving the teacher the blow off of "yes yes, we teach him that at home". Some cry and share about how hard things are at home right now. Others ask the teacher how in the world they got their child to pray, and the teacher explains that she didn't....and it occurs to the parent that maybe they are teaching their child something about the God of all after all.

It feels like family to be there for some of the important moments, to remind parents of how special and fun their child is, to develop friendships that have lasted the test of time. Some days I find myself in the home of a young couple who has just lost their baby. We weep, hold each other and then...pray hope for the future as Christ promises to redeem everything, someday. Others I sit with a father and his daughter in my office as she shares how she thinks she might be being abused by her brothers when her dad isn't home. Tears fall down her cheeks and her hands shake cause she's nervous, but in the end dad is taking his whole family to counseling and refuses to be passive - he advocates for his daughter. There are the moments of holding someones brand new baby during a baby dedication and see the parents eyes as they share about how amazing this child is that was given to them, and their vision for who they want to be as parents, as community, as home. There are moments when a mother breaks down with a teacher and shares what is really going on. A child sits with a mentor and confesses that she lies and wonders if it's a sin, and is so surprised and relieved to hear that there is forgiveness and a loving hand to walk her through it. Mom and Dad leave a parenting class and realize for the first time that they HAVE to be on the same page if they are going to survive these foundational years. The stories...well they are endless. But they are stories of my people. Courageous, bold, humble, valiant, pure, open people.

I’m home in the eyes, laughter, tears and hearts of so many great people. I am so proud of them but also SO grateful that they hold me close in my own moments of grief and confusion. Thank God for family.

Expectations?

I've been talking to a lot of you lately about what your experience has been with our kids. What do you love, what drains you, and what can we do better? The feedback hasn't been what I expected. In fact what is expected? seems to be the key thing a lot of you are wondering. The vision is indeed huge and can be overwhelming as we often feel not up to the task. I mean, it's beautiful and I believe in it and "you guys" are doing a great job. But me? I have no idea how I fit into this. I have little to bring to the table, what are you guys expecting from me?

Here is the CHILDREN'S MINISTRY FOR DUMMIES guide for you. :) For all of you who have wondered what we expect from you as we talk passionately about our vision, this is for you!

First - our vision & philosophy of ministry. Read it, absorb it, let it overwhelm you... Then read the rest of this. It's on this blog on the left...click and read.

What are we hoping for as you work with our children, their parents, and all the people that serve with us?

1. Let it change you
1. Every encounter with a child or parent ought to rock you somewhere deep if you allow it. An African child's drawing about what community is to her. A mom beginning to cry as you tell her for the 2nd time that month that her child didn't behave well - and she shares that things have been really hard at home. A typically withdrawn child praying and holding hand with another person for the first time, you find yourself peeking just to see if it's really happening (he's not leaving....he actually wants it!)! A child you don't know and have never seen wrapping themselves around your leg and grinning as they are so excited to see you.
   
2. Fight hard not to get sucked into the details and busyness of the short time we have with the kids. Challenge yourself to share with your friends or your spouse something that you saw or learned today by being with the kids or the people you serve with and WHY IT CHANGED YOU. Let it in. It is there, with children it's always there. Cry, smile, put your hand on someone's shoulder, ask someone to listen. There is nothing so immature and childlike about the gospel that should tune you out. If the lesson is Jesus walked on water - well then hey, HE WALKED ON WATER!!!! Talk about it all day with the people you know.
   
2. See and advocate for the kids and people you serve
1. Today a teacher told me about one of our kids in her class that plays the violin - proficiently. I didn't know this child even played an instrument. How would I? I can't know all the children. But through you, I do. As teachers and helpers and leaders in and around the classrooms you know things about our kids that no one else does. You know things like: Isaiah does NOT like paint (too messy), Joshua is a crazy serious reader way beyond his grade level, Anna not only loves to sing but has a beautiful voice. Keep noticing and listening to all these personality traits and passions of our kids! It's the beginning of us recognizing and affirming as a faith community how God has designed them and gifted them. So post something on z-loop about the things you notice in the kids you encounter. Write an email to your teacher or coach about what you see. When you hear a leader ask if anyone knows kids that would be interested in doing a reading in the services, being part of worship, or a family that would be willing to help a single mom - VOICE IT. You are the people that advocate and voice for our kids and parents.
   
3. Do it as a team
1. As with most things in life it's more fun to do it with someone than go solo. Every position we have in our ministry is part of a team. There aren't any exceptions. So check out your z-loop and figure out who your teacher or coach is! These are the people you ask for clarity and help from. These are the people that really want to know what you are experiencing, how it is changing you (or how you wish it were), and what you see in our kids and parents.
   
2. Invite members on your team to be part of what you are in your life.
   
3. Host a bbq for everyone on your team and just go around and hear each other's stories.
   
4. Have a brainstorm session where all you do is talk about what could be.
   
5. Throw a party for the kids just because, and plan it as a team before the staff ever has a chance to think up the idea first.
   
6. Point is...don't volunteer for a Sunday slot alone. There are people on every team that would love to have someone be interested in them and trade thoughts with. Try not to wait for someone to come initiate with you - go to them and find out who they are and what part of the team they play in.
   

Should I be doing this?

Today I had the opportunity to meet with our 4th and 5th grade teachers at my home. I thought it would be a time to cast vision for what our mission is for our older kids and how we can move toward that vision sooner than later. And I did that, and they politely listened. But the direction our time took turned out to be more about them as teachers and followers of Christ than it did about what we are aiming toward for our vision. Maybe in the fall we can talk about that! :) But here's what came out of today: We all want to know why we are doing what we are doing, and who called us to do it.

As these great people were vulnerable and honest enough to share about their shortcomings and how they wish they were a stronger teacher, and all that is hard and confusing - it became obvious the struggle we all have. "I am not enough, not near enough. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. The kids deserve so much better."

I sat back in my chair and listened for a while as I tried to discern what I was hearing and how to communicate to them what God wanted them to hear. And then it hit me. And I had trouble concealing the smile that was forming on my face as I remembered our beginning. The beginning of our church that is.

Those same words and fears and inadequacies came out of all of our mouths and hearts in the early days. Our staff consisted of Rick, Jeff and Beth. None of which were full time. Joe was an intern and I was volunteering my time to start up kids ministry. And that was our staff that met in a very small room (we called it the couch room - which i think lasted a whole 2 months until we added staff and is now the space of i think the 7th person's office since it has been the couch room) in the Burnside offices. I am not enough. Should we even be doing this? Our people need so much more. These came up as questions and phrases a lot during those first years. But the answer was always the same.

You are who God has brought to us. For the sake of His people. His children. YOU aren't enough. Not even close! Should you be doing this? I don't know - but there isn't anyone else in line to take your place. There certainly wasn't when we all started the church. And there isn't now as we continue on. The vision remains the same for us all. And it's the vision that drives us to keep going. If we stop the vision dies. Yes, our kids deserve more. Our people need more! But this is what we have to give, and it has to be enough. The entire gospel hinges on a few guys being willing to keep going. They probably often wondered if they were enough and were embarrassed of their liabilities. They were an unlikely group of men and women, issues and baggage and maturity all questionable. But by God's Spirit through Christ - they were enough because God is.

Somehow through the meager offerings of ourselves that we have to give - God shows up and does dramatic, life changing work in people. In kids, in parents. You may never be trained enough, educated enough, or gifted enough to feel like you are making a difference. But if you live there you may always be disappointed in ministry, because it is about you. If we are truly going to TEACH children and shepherd people - I'm pretty sure it won't have much to do with us. The power of Christ is awing when you offer what you have. It's all He asks for, all of you. He doesn't ask for it to be great or perfect, educated or even all that spiritual. He just asks for you give yourself away for the sake of others.

Our 4th and 5th grade teachers are learning to do this. Learn from them, ask them about what they are processing as they learn to teach.