Ministry Mantra

There is a book called God, Marriage and Family by Andreas Kostenberger that I use often as a reference. In the chapter regarding family I have found what consider my mantra for the ministry to children.

Overall, then, we learn from Jesus that we should not look down on children because they are not fully grown and hence are of lower social status than adults. Like Jesus, we should treat children with respect and dignity, as unique and precious creatures made by God and valuable in his sight. What is more, contrary to our natural inclination that may tell us that we can learn nothing from children and that the relationship is strictly one-way from parent or adult to child, we should look at children also from the vantage point of desirable kingdom traits that may exemplify in a more pronounced way than we do ourselves. This is one way in which God defies the wisdom of those who are wise in their own eyes, and the pride of those who think they are something in and of themselves (Matt. 11:25-27; 1 Cor. 1:27-29).

Ministry to children, therefore, should be conducted in a humble spirit of service rather than in a patronizing manner, and should be viewed as a privilege rather than as an undesirable chore left to those who are unable to attain to a higher calling. While children have much to learn, they also have much to teach us, if we are humble enough to listen to them and to observe them. Their simple faith that takes God at his word, their believing prayer trusting God to do what they ask, their willingness to explore new things and to follow the lead of another - these are but a few examples of qualities in children that adults will find inspiring and worth emulating. By repeatedly pointing to children as models of kingdom values and attitudes, Jesus elevated those who are lowly in this world and humbled those with status, power and position.

Sacred Parenting

This is a fantastic book on what parenting truly is - and isn't. Gary Thomas is a great author and speaker, both Kevin and I have had the privelege of hearing him. If you are struggling or want to grow more with your parenting, or your marriage - Sacred Parenting, and Sacred Marriage are essential books for a wake up call and encouraging exhortation to what you are really called to.

Here are some excerpts from the first chapter in Sacred Parenting that I think open it up to the heart of the matter right off:

Why have children? Sadly most of us end up having kids for superficial reasons. Yet these motivations, as noble as they may sound, are still narcissistic at the root, based on an ideal notion of children and a romanticized view of what family life is really like.

Before long I discovered what every parent has discovered: babies come to us as sinners in need of God's grace and as dependent human beings demanding around-the-clock care. This reality will melt sentimentality and our romanticized notions of family life before we reach the end of the very first jumbo pack of Pampers!

We need something more concrete, something more eternal, to see us through the challenges of parenting. The best reason to have kids - the one reason that will last beyond mere sentiment - is so simple that it may not seem very profound: God commands us to have children (Genesis 1:28).

In other words having children isn't about us - it's about him. We are called to bear and raise children for the glory of God.

Here's a thought: Let's accept that both marriage and parenting provide many good moments while also challenging us to the very root of our being. Let's admit that family life tries us as perhaps nothing else does; but let's also accept that, for most of us, this is God's call and part of his plan to perfect us. Once we realize we are sinners, and that together, as a family, we are to grow toward God, then family life takes on and entirely new purpose and context. It becomes a sacred enterprise when we finally understand that God can baptize dirty diapers, toddler's tantrums, and teenagers' silence in order to transform us into people who more closely resemble Jesus Christ.

This isn't my ministry

One of our teachers shared this story recently about how God provided something as simple as food to help them really understand how they are to serve in ministry to others:

Thursday, July 3rd, I'm meeting with my coach for my volunteer leader position as a Two's leader at Imago. I'm telling her the ways that I want to be a better leader, and love on my team more and give them bonding experiences by doing things like...having them all over for a BBQ. But the thing is, my husband is between jobs right now, and we're taking frugal to a whole new level. I'm pretty sure hamburgers for a crowd isn't a real priority for us. So we brainstormed some pretty cool ways that we could get together and bond anyway, and I went away hopeful. But God heard my heart...

Next night...we come home late from watching fireworks out in Gresham, and what is sitting on our porch, but a cooler-full of hamburger patties, cheese slices, buns and chips! I instantly thought, "woah, that's a lot of hamburgers" and then, "now I can have my Two's bbq!" But I didn't want to squander the wealth of food that God had given us in a time of need, and again, I want to keep my priorities straight...feed the family first, right? As we were going to bed, we talked about this blessing of beef...60 hamburger patties in all! My husband says something that made me laugh and cry at the same time: "God has entrusted us with 60 patties!" I wrote it on the white-board I have hanging in our bedroom (I'm still redecorating). God has entrusted us with 60 patties. That's more than what we need to feed our family; do we really want to eat cheeseburgers for 10 days straight? OK, not that we'd have to eat them all at once, they're frozen of course. But still, that's a lot of meat for folks who weren't big red-meat eaters before. So I thought I'd mention my BBQ aspirations to my husband. I didn't want to sound self-serving with the provision God had given our family. But he agreed: I needed to have that BBQ. We cried and thanked God as He spoke to us:

• This isn't my ministry, and the passion in my heart was not created by me. I have already come to a point of doing this because I love God, and He's asked me to do it. Because He has shown me that he loves me, I desire to love others. Because of the way He's created me, I will lean toward loving people in certain ways, like feeding them. God knows I love to cook for people, to gather 'round and take care of some practical needs. Having a BBQ isn't about me and my objectives and how I manage my grocery budget. It's about how God wants to speak into our lives through community. If He wants a BBQ to happen, He will put it on my heart and He will make it happen. He will even shop for the burgers: He will speak to someone in our community because He knows they will listen, and He will tell them to give the leftover 4th-of-July burger supplies to the us!

• Leading the Two's Room is not just my calling. I am part of a family, and whatever I do in ministry effects my whole family. Whatever is happening with the family effects the ministry. So whether or not anyone else is on the front lines of the ministry, we, our family, are partnering together to lead the Two's Room. If God has laid it on my heart to have a team BBQ, it is not selfish to bring that idea to the family, it is appropriate. And as is fitting, we will love on the Two's team as a family. This may seem obvious to the spiritually healthy married couple, but for a family that's experienced years of addiction and abuse and plain 'ole cultural brainwashing, this is a [brighter] light shed on the way God designed things to work, and we are seeing what a beautiful creation He's made in marriage and family. Our family is a team, and we talk about that a lot...but it mostly has a lot to do with cleaning the house and sticking up for each other on the playground. But to think about how that applies to supporting each other in the ways that God has called us to serve Him...it's much different (and may I say more special?) than the way we might support a missionary, or support an orphan overseas. To support each other as a family is opposite of the American culture's ideal of autonomy, even within the family. I don't think that was God's intention for family, but I'll let that roll around in your head a bit and see what He says to you......

Owning and Repenting

A friend is going through one of those crazy times in life and ministry right now where she's not sure how she got where she is or how to get out. God has been speaking to her steadily and bringing much clarity which has brought upon repentance as well as joy and praise. It's been a privilege to watch even through her tears, because she is being set free to really live again.

This is what she has allowed me to share. A piece of her heart, so that you may be encouraged that managing, taking complaints to the top, and being a worker bee - is a dead end in leading others. Life, joy, the work of God - comes from deep change and allowing others freedom to create and step in.

This is what she writes to her leaders (followed up by connecting with them):

I want to share a little of my life with you guys. Over the last week or so God has been showing, challenging and growing me so much. He's revealing some of my misconceptions and disbelief's about Him. I'm finding I don't actually believe the truth about his character. And with that, I have misconceptions of myself and how He sees me. Over the last few weeks He has been revealing some of those unbelief's/disbelief's to me, and gently correcting me. I've had to confess, and then seek Him, which is one of the very issues I have been learning about - not wanting to seek or ask of God.

I want to share all this for 2 reasons. One to be open to what God is teaching me, doing in me, and share my life with you as you do with me. Two, because my sin effects you and our ministry. I see that when I lead I pass these doubts about God onto you, how can I not? It might be by taking away things you are gifted at, made to do or stepping in to take over in places maybe God is trying to reveal something to you or your volunteers hearts. In my unnecessary protection, I don't want to see you burdened at all and so I overcompensate.

I want to apologize for creating an environment that is not healthy, where i am not leading well, and where i just keep creating systems and such when I really need to let the internal burdens i carry go (sometimes to just to God, sometimes to you, sometimes to my leaders, to other staff, etc) and then stand back look at what we are doing, why we do it, and what I'm made/called by God to do in this ministry.

So, that is what I am doing, digging my way out and answering some questions. The biggest of which is why? Why am i doing what I'm doing? When I looked at all the words that came out as I answered this - people was the theme. I care for people! I want them to be taken care of, inspired, helped, and known. And I know you want the same which is why you are here.

I am so thankful for you, for your faithfulness, your love for the people God has brought us, your hard work, and the grace you have for me. I am blessed. Please pray for me as I learn to believe that God wants me to lean into Him and ask Him for help, and that this ministry doesn't revolve around me and my efforts.

My friend is beginning to be free from a cage of burden and to do lists that she had created and led her team in. She has not blamed staff, quit without going through the process God wanted to do in her, or shuffled all her responsibility onto her team. She instead...repented. Which doesn't mean asking forgiveness and doing the same. It means turning around. Simple, yet something many of us struggle to do. I'm looking forward to watching her team create and dream and listen to God's heart as they lead people.

Thank you friend for reminding us all the importance of owning, repenting and the humble attitude of a leader that frees us all.

From the mother of a 2 year old

Wendy - Thank you for taking the time out to email me, that sounds right up my son's alley. He has been talking about "church" lately, and I have to give you guys some great high fives because he tells me about "sing Jesus" and "love Jesus" and it is so sweet. To see him loving to stay at church is such a difference from the past. oh yea, another story. We pray as a family (all holding hands together) but sometimes he holds his hands to himself and the only place that he has learned that is from you guys. To know that my son is praying outside of home, is beautiful.
Thank you for all that you do. Thank you for being consistent caring and most of all loving my little guy. I cannot tell you how much that means to me.

Thank you 2 year old teachers! I love you! God is breaking through and drawing kids to Himself.

Kids on mission

One of my staff, Adam Parent, shared this with me about some movement God is doing in our kids hearts:

Several weeks ago for our Sunday morning K-5th grade community, Joni Kabana came and shared about Torina’s world (a book she wrote/took pictures for about kids in Madagascar). While sharing several kids asked her what they could do to help? Some asked if they could bring clothes, some school supplies, etc. Joni – responded with “of course you can” – this began the ball rolling of kids bringing in clothes and school supplies to donate to these children. They started pouring in the goods on Sunday the week after Joni spoke.

The week following, the Hotchkiss family came and shared about the well project they have been helping with over in Rwanda. They have partnered with a school to help build and repair a well. Lisa Hotchkiss had the idea to ask kids to earn $ for the well project by doing special chores as opposed to just asking their parents for the money. I thought it was a great idea and so advertised it to our kids and parents. The money brought in this past week are a result of the extra chores worked on by the kids of Imago - $167 the kids have brought in thus far!

The same Sunday that the Hotchkiss family came, Amy Boles (one of our 4th/5th grade teachers) came up to me and had the idea while she was talking with her class about earning money and matching the funds they earn. She wrote a letter to the other teachers seeing if they wanted to partner with the kids. So now there is more money coming in from the teachers after finding out what the kids in their class brought in.

We also made a banner for the school in Rwanda – and cards and pictures for the kids in Madagascar that we will be sending off with the $$ and the clothing/school supplies. Absolutely cool – how that all came together.

(Pictured above is Christy, Adam's wife who delivered all the supplies the kids had put together)

I got to oversee elementary a week ago in Adam's absence. I was amazed and even humbled listening to the kids talk about what they did to earn money that week and why they wanted to. The kids told me all about the well that had broken in Rwanda at a school and how the kids there had to drink gross water now. So there I stood with a pink bucket where they brought their hard earned cash - some of them having no idea what they were doing as they threw a $20 bill in, and others coming with $2.67 all labeled and in a Ziploc baggie very carefully placing it. Parents were curious if the kids raised much of anything and asked when we are sending supplies over and how else they can help.

Fascinating to me. A curriculum we wrote out of our church's value of missional journey - we made a segment about global community. And we prayed and invited others in whom we thought would have a unique and real perspective on what it looks like to care for others in other parts of the world. And the kids NATURAL response with little adult initiation is...WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP? HOW CAN I KNOW THOSE KIDS? I hear stories of kids at the grocery store with their parents and the subject comes up that kids in Africa need school supplies too. Next thing you know they are coming home with 2 backpacks, and double sets of paper, pencils and folders.

The cards! Oh i wish you could see them, I'll try and hunt down pictures. Our kids have made cards to kids in Madagascar and Rwanda for the last several weeks. They want to send a bit of themselves over with all the stuff. Many have asked to be pen pals. One card is my favorite so far - Breanna wrote in green marker something to the effect of: "Hi, you're probably wondering why I am writing you. I live in USA in Portland and God is Jesus and Jesus died for our sins so we could be with God forever. Would you like to be pen pals?". I wish I could be across the world to see the face when a child reads Breanna's card.

Kids hearts are motivated and moved to act and to be selfless in as much way as they can. And all we did was say "we value this, it's what the bible says to be about". And the kids come up with the response. I'm so proud of them and so grateful to God for moving in ways we couldn't have come up with.

Please Don't Sit on the Kids

For all those who are always wanting more tricks of the trade and ideas for how to manage kids and apply consequences when necessary - this book is for you. It's called Please Don't Sit on the Kids.

It's a great tool (and super easy read) for how to get kids to listen, how to remind them of behavior to avoid, how to TALK to them when they are misbehaving, and how to spot possible misbehavior coming on BEFORE it happens so you can lead them into something better.

Read a chapter online, or buy the whole book and highlight the parts you love. Share it with your friends, make copies for people on your volunteer team, or just implement ONE THING in it the next time you are with kids. I promise you it will be helpful in understanding kids a bit more.

Love to you all.

I'm at home in the eyes and hearts of these people

We all long for places to be known, to have people say our name with delight when we walk in the door, and to feel…home. Now there are a few places in my life where i feel like I'm home, but today I will share about one of them. My church home, specifically, our children & family ministry. Often people ask me why I love what I do, don't I get tired of it? Here's my response to some of that:

Each week I walk down the hall toward the kid’s area on Sundays I hear the voices and excitement rise. You can feel it way before you ever get to the door. You can feel it in the parking lot if you follow a family in. It feels much different than the feeling you get walking in to the auditorium for the service. Though that has it's own beautiful homeyness. But here there is always a child to greet you when you come in, yelling your name and smiling! Sometimes I'll be in the middle of a conversation with someone and a little child will have themselves wrapped around my leg like they haven't seen me in forever. And occasionally (like this Sunday) I'll look down and the child hugging me isn't one that I know! Who does that? No one. Not one in my life does that except the sweet children that I get to be with. Nothing can make you cry faster than a child that loves you passionately for absolutely no good reason. No wonder Jesus was such an advocate of children. Well, more than an advocate - He tells us to be like them. My I have such a long way to go....I am learning. Always learning.

Here, my Sunday home, is where I walk in and always see a good friend to connect with, as so many of my closest friends work with our children. I absolutely love that I'm not the only person who finds extreme beauty and life in the halls and classrooms where our families walk. Working alongside friends is the best way to work I think.

Here is also where I am greeted at the door to our children's areas by guys I know and trust who are on security duty. I often catch myself grinning as i pass by. They must think I'm crazy, or maybe mocking them. But all i can think of is that these are the men who will take a hit if some crazy comes after our kids. I never want to think about craziness, violence or trauma. But it's happened. In schools, in churches, and in the communities and homes of friends that I love in Africa. So, when I pass by these men I am deeply thankful for them. They are husbands and fathers to the women and children that I know well. But they are also strong and valiant to me as they represent the heart in us all to truly lay down our lives for one another.

This, my church home, is where I see parents faces as they leave their child for the first time, the 100th time, or as they come back to pick them up and listen to the teacher tell about what their child learned about the Gospel...today. I love their faces. Some of them challenged, others insecure, some confident and almost giving the teacher the blow off of "yes yes, we teach him that at home". Some cry and share about how hard things are at home right now. Others ask the teacher how in the world they got their child to pray, and the teacher explains that she didn't....and it occurs to the parent that maybe they are teaching their child something about the God of all after all.

It feels like family to be there for some of the important moments, to remind parents of how special and fun their child is, to develop friendships that have lasted the test of time. Some days I find myself in the home of a young couple who has just lost their baby. We weep, hold each other and then...pray hope for the future as Christ promises to redeem everything, someday. Others I sit with a father and his daughter in my office as she shares how she thinks she might be being abused by her brothers when her dad isn't home. Tears fall down her cheeks and her hands shake cause she's nervous, but in the end dad is taking his whole family to counseling and refuses to be passive - he advocates for his daughter. There are the moments of holding someones brand new baby during a baby dedication and see the parents eyes as they share about how amazing this child is that was given to them, and their vision for who they want to be as parents, as community, as home. There are moments when a mother breaks down with a teacher and shares what is really going on. A child sits with a mentor and confesses that she lies and wonders if it's a sin, and is so surprised and relieved to hear that there is forgiveness and a loving hand to walk her through it. Mom and Dad leave a parenting class and realize for the first time that they HAVE to be on the same page if they are going to survive these foundational years. The stories...well they are endless. But they are stories of my people. Courageous, bold, humble, valiant, pure, open people.

I’m home in the eyes, laughter, tears and hearts of so many great people. I am so proud of them but also SO grateful that they hold me close in my own moments of grief and confusion. Thank God for family.

Expectations?

I've been talking to a lot of you lately about what your experience has been with our kids. What do you love, what drains you, and what can we do better? The feedback hasn't been what I expected. In fact what is expected? seems to be the key thing a lot of you are wondering. The vision is indeed huge and can be overwhelming as we often feel not up to the task. I mean, it's beautiful and I believe in it and "you guys" are doing a great job. But me? I have no idea how I fit into this. I have little to bring to the table, what are you guys expecting from me?

Here is the CHILDREN'S MINISTRY FOR DUMMIES guide for you. :) For all of you who have wondered what we expect from you as we talk passionately about our vision, this is for you!

First - our vision & philosophy of ministry. Read it, absorb it, let it overwhelm you... Then read the rest of this. It's on this blog on the left...click and read.

What are we hoping for as you work with our children, their parents, and all the people that serve with us?

1. Let it change you
1. Every encounter with a child or parent ought to rock you somewhere deep if you allow it. An African child's drawing about what community is to her. A mom beginning to cry as you tell her for the 2nd time that month that her child didn't behave well - and she shares that things have been really hard at home. A typically withdrawn child praying and holding hand with another person for the first time, you find yourself peeking just to see if it's really happening (he's not leaving....he actually wants it!)! A child you don't know and have never seen wrapping themselves around your leg and grinning as they are so excited to see you.
   
2. Fight hard not to get sucked into the details and busyness of the short time we have with the kids. Challenge yourself to share with your friends or your spouse something that you saw or learned today by being with the kids or the people you serve with and WHY IT CHANGED YOU. Let it in. It is there, with children it's always there. Cry, smile, put your hand on someone's shoulder, ask someone to listen. There is nothing so immature and childlike about the gospel that should tune you out. If the lesson is Jesus walked on water - well then hey, HE WALKED ON WATER!!!! Talk about it all day with the people you know.
   
2. See and advocate for the kids and people you serve
1. Today a teacher told me about one of our kids in her class that plays the violin - proficiently. I didn't know this child even played an instrument. How would I? I can't know all the children. But through you, I do. As teachers and helpers and leaders in and around the classrooms you know things about our kids that no one else does. You know things like: Isaiah does NOT like paint (too messy), Joshua is a crazy serious reader way beyond his grade level, Anna not only loves to sing but has a beautiful voice. Keep noticing and listening to all these personality traits and passions of our kids! It's the beginning of us recognizing and affirming as a faith community how God has designed them and gifted them. So post something on z-loop about the things you notice in the kids you encounter. Write an email to your teacher or coach about what you see. When you hear a leader ask if anyone knows kids that would be interested in doing a reading in the services, being part of worship, or a family that would be willing to help a single mom - VOICE IT. You are the people that advocate and voice for our kids and parents.
   
3. Do it as a team
1. As with most things in life it's more fun to do it with someone than go solo. Every position we have in our ministry is part of a team. There aren't any exceptions. So check out your z-loop and figure out who your teacher or coach is! These are the people you ask for clarity and help from. These are the people that really want to know what you are experiencing, how it is changing you (or how you wish it were), and what you see in our kids and parents.
   
2. Invite members on your team to be part of what you are in your life.
   
3. Host a bbq for everyone on your team and just go around and hear each other's stories.
   
4. Have a brainstorm session where all you do is talk about what could be.
   
5. Throw a party for the kids just because, and plan it as a team before the staff ever has a chance to think up the idea first.
   
6. Point is...don't volunteer for a Sunday slot alone. There are people on every team that would love to have someone be interested in them and trade thoughts with. Try not to wait for someone to come initiate with you - go to them and find out who they are and what part of the team they play in.
   

Should I be doing this?

Today I had the opportunity to meet with our 4th and 5th grade teachers at my home. I thought it would be a time to cast vision for what our mission is for our older kids and how we can move toward that vision sooner than later. And I did that, and they politely listened. But the direction our time took turned out to be more about them as teachers and followers of Christ than it did about what we are aiming toward for our vision. Maybe in the fall we can talk about that! :) But here's what came out of today: We all want to know why we are doing what we are doing, and who called us to do it.

As these great people were vulnerable and honest enough to share about their shortcomings and how they wish they were a stronger teacher, and all that is hard and confusing - it became obvious the struggle we all have. "I am not enough, not near enough. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. The kids deserve so much better."

I sat back in my chair and listened for a while as I tried to discern what I was hearing and how to communicate to them what God wanted them to hear. And then it hit me. And I had trouble concealing the smile that was forming on my face as I remembered our beginning. The beginning of our church that is.

Those same words and fears and inadequacies came out of all of our mouths and hearts in the early days. Our staff consisted of Rick, Jeff and Beth. None of which were full time. Joe was an intern and I was volunteering my time to start up kids ministry. And that was our staff that met in a very small room (we called it the couch room - which i think lasted a whole 2 months until we added staff and is now the space of i think the 7th person's office since it has been the couch room) in the Burnside offices. I am not enough. Should we even be doing this? Our people need so much more. These came up as questions and phrases a lot during those first years. But the answer was always the same.

You are who God has brought to us. For the sake of His people. His children. YOU aren't enough. Not even close! Should you be doing this? I don't know - but there isn't anyone else in line to take your place. There certainly wasn't when we all started the church. And there isn't now as we continue on. The vision remains the same for us all. And it's the vision that drives us to keep going. If we stop the vision dies. Yes, our kids deserve more. Our people need more! But this is what we have to give, and it has to be enough. The entire gospel hinges on a few guys being willing to keep going. They probably often wondered if they were enough and were embarrassed of their liabilities. They were an unlikely group of men and women, issues and baggage and maturity all questionable. But by God's Spirit through Christ - they were enough because God is.

Somehow through the meager offerings of ourselves that we have to give - God shows up and does dramatic, life changing work in people. In kids, in parents. You may never be trained enough, educated enough, or gifted enough to feel like you are making a difference. But if you live there you may always be disappointed in ministry, because it is about you. If we are truly going to TEACH children and shepherd people - I'm pretty sure it won't have much to do with us. The power of Christ is awing when you offer what you have. It's all He asks for, all of you. He doesn't ask for it to be great or perfect, educated or even all that spiritual. He just asks for you give yourself away for the sake of others.

Our 4th and 5th grade teachers are learning to do this. Learn from them, ask them about what they are processing as they learn to teach.