Should I be doing this?

Today I had the opportunity to meet with our 4th and 5th grade teachers at my home. I thought it would be a time to cast vision for what our mission is for our older kids and how we can move toward that vision sooner than later. And I did that, and they politely listened. But the direction our time took turned out to be more about them as teachers and followers of Christ than it did about what we are aiming toward for our vision. Maybe in the fall we can talk about that! :) But here's what came out of today: We all want to know why we are doing what we are doing, and who called us to do it.

As these great people were vulnerable and honest enough to share about their shortcomings and how they wish they were a stronger teacher, and all that is hard and confusing - it became obvious the struggle we all have. "I am not enough, not near enough. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. The kids deserve so much better."

I sat back in my chair and listened for a while as I tried to discern what I was hearing and how to communicate to them what God wanted them to hear. And then it hit me. And I had trouble concealing the smile that was forming on my face as I remembered our beginning. The beginning of our church that is.

Those same words and fears and inadequacies came out of all of our mouths and hearts in the early days. Our staff consisted of Rick, Jeff and Beth. None of which were full time. Joe was an intern and I was volunteering my time to start up kids ministry. And that was our staff that met in a very small room (we called it the couch room - which i think lasted a whole 2 months until we added staff and is now the space of i think the 7th person's office since it has been the couch room) in the Burnside offices. I am not enough. Should we even be doing this? Our people need so much more. These came up as questions and phrases a lot during those first years. But the answer was always the same.

You are who God has brought to us. For the sake of His people. His children. YOU aren't enough. Not even close! Should you be doing this? I don't know - but there isn't anyone else in line to take your place. There certainly wasn't when we all started the church. And there isn't now as we continue on. The vision remains the same for us all. And it's the vision that drives us to keep going. If we stop the vision dies. Yes, our kids deserve more. Our people need more! But this is what we have to give, and it has to be enough. The entire gospel hinges on a few guys being willing to keep going. They probably often wondered if they were enough and were embarrassed of their liabilities. They were an unlikely group of men and women, issues and baggage and maturity all questionable. But by God's Spirit through Christ - they were enough because God is.

Somehow through the meager offerings of ourselves that we have to give - God shows up and does dramatic, life changing work in people. In kids, in parents. You may never be trained enough, educated enough, or gifted enough to feel like you are making a difference. But if you live there you may always be disappointed in ministry, because it is about you. If we are truly going to TEACH children and shepherd people - I'm pretty sure it won't have much to do with us. The power of Christ is awing when you offer what you have. It's all He asks for, all of you. He doesn't ask for it to be great or perfect, educated or even all that spiritual. He just asks for you give yourself away for the sake of others.

Our 4th and 5th grade teachers are learning to do this. Learn from them, ask them about what they are processing as they learn to teach.