Thoughts on friendship

This last month at our teacher meetings I've been burdened to teach on friendship. It seems to me that community is sometimes a word that is either overused or more likely misunderstood. Many times I've talked to people about their disappointment in a home community or a ministry. Their marriage tanks, the group splits up, you name it - something happens and they are crushed. The expressions I hear from so many is "it doesn't work", "we need a closed group", "no one really knows me". As if community or ministry is somehow a method and that there is a stepping stone process to achieving it. Which ultimately, is a failed process and why doesn't the church come up with something better?

I have to ask, isn't what you're describing friendship? There are many things about community that are great and what God asks us to give ourselves to. But something He consistently asks us to in it is to love and be loved. To give and to receive. Friendship. Community can not replace deep friendships, and deep friendships seem to be what we are all asking for. Have a listen to Kyle Costello's sermon last week for a deeper look into that.

I am convinced that most people who call themselves a Christ follower authentically want to grow and be a person of godly character. But the how...seems to escape us all from time to time. In Ephesians 4 Paul speaks of living as children of light. It is this picture of what it looks like to be a person filled with Christ-like character and in it, he points out that we are to speak truth to one another. Really the entire section brings up unity and being together. We aren't in this alone. It is very difficult to see the fruit of godly character all by yourself. Sure there are disciplines, some that I need to grow in. But overall what I read in Ephesians (and most anywhere in the bible really) is that we need each other. Or at the very least that we are stuck with each other and there can be great benefit and beauty in it.

In a book that I have been challenged on a lot this year called, The Ascent of a Leader, the authors speak of this character. This godly character that it takes to lead others, and how if you want to start on the road of growing this way (in godly character) - that you better surround yourself with some good people. Certain kinds of people. Friends. These are people who:

- Are ordinary people who are willing to tell you the truth, and who will also receive the truth from you
- People who are willing to have fun and dream with you
- People who believe in you

Get to know these people as intimately as possible. Let them know your goals, your dreams, and your struggles. Perhaps more important let them know how you FEEL about your goals, dreams and struggles. Let them know how you feel about them and their own passions.

Best environments are produced when a core group of people commit themselves to each other for life, no matter what.

Even for a definite/defined period of time. It's called FRIENDSHIP. Committing time creates opportunities for vulnerability. Vulnerability builds trust, and sooner than we think we will be able to encourage one another toward spiritual maturity.

So I think it's time we ASK SOMEONE(S) to walk with us. Someone we respect or want to be more like. Compliment them by asking them, but be clear what we want. Don't apologize. Just ask them to walk with us and tell them why we want to walk with them. Part of living in community is having some deep friendships. We all want those but are scared to start. It's so scary to ask someone to love us. But it's what Christ is calling us to and a sure start to becoming people of godly character I think.

May God give us courage.